He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
