They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
