i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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