If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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