OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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