I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
