we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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