Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
