he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
