you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
