I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
