legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
