Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
