i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
