mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When are your genitals available?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
