He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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