Someone shit on the floor
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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