She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ok first of all what the fuck
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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