can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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