WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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