there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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