he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
