I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
