I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
