She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
