I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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