It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
