there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
