Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
