this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
