I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
