could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
