Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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