So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
