she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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