everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
