he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
