is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we're so committed to being not committed
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