I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's Friday. Sex?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
