I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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