btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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