They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
