I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize