go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
