So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Your tits are I can't wait for
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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