That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
