I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
