I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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