I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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