I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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