I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
