Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
