my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
