if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Alive.
So much puke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
