your parents love me but you hate me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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