wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
