I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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