why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
