I want to stick my p in your. b.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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