This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize