Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
