I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
