Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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