I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
