Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
