He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
