He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
