I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
