Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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