i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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