I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
