okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
