Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize