I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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