12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
