shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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