I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
