The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
