the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He did a backflip because drugs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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