You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
