I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
