Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
