just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
