i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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