well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize