He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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