today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
