Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
