i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
