He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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