just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
