You're completely useless in the revolution.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
