she was so not down for the gang bang
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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