when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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