maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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