the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
