i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
