Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
