My friends, they love my intelligence
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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