so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
