Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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