then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize