I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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