Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
